Seasons , Moods, Memories.

You  love autumn. You will miss summer. Summer contains great memories buoyed by seducing smells. When the olfactory gets a whiff, the magic of the memory replay begins. For you the change of season can elicit the finest memories re-affirming your desire for your presence on this earth. Celebrate your milestone  why don’t you as there are plenty of times when you’ve questioned whether you want to be here or not. You have attempted suicide haven’t you? That’s okay…you were unable to fully understand what you had to lose. However there have been times when you  have had much to lose but wanted to leave this planet . That is depression for you or perhaps it is mere navel gazing, losing perspective of the enormity of living.  All is well now, isn’t it…or as well as it can be in this present.  And because of this transition, you are able to experience the pleasure of changing seasons, similar to what you experienced as a child. Don’t you remember as a child how good it was for you to swim everyday in summer, and then falling asleep still experiencing the sense of your muscles moving in water? How you loved that feeling and you still love that feeling,as you are a dedicated swimmer. Do you remember the smells at night, in particular eucalyptus, geranium and jasmine and how these would become stronger during those times when you played with your neighbourhood friends on the front lawn after dark?  Your used to pretend that you were  the Partridge family and your dad would come out and tell you to shut up in response to your rendition of  David Casidy . You wanted to be his sister but that honour was never bestowed on you. Now it is Autumn. Do you remember the first term school holidays you shared with daughter. you particularly loved the chocolate eating and the hot-cross buns on good Friday, walking to the park, journeying to the library, borrowing a mountain of books you could read together over the holiday. As sole parent you had no money but  happily that didn’t prevent you from having some good times. .You listen to Jesus Christ Superstat and Godspell over Easter which I guess is your own form of honouring the religious practice in which you were raised. You appreciate the music and the story even as an atheist for the story of Jesus as a revolutionary gave you  comfort and inspiration as a child. You also were particularly partial to his mother as you were in need of a female hero. In Melbourne you have the beautiful crisp mornings and the magnificent  colours of Autumn  to look forward to; your own grape vine will drape the lawn with dried  red and yellowing leaves that you will leave for the winter to blast rain and wind upon as you are no gardener… that’s for certain. But you are other things…leave that for you to name these.

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